Running

For too long I’ve been running away from thoughts of being happy.

I wonder when I began to hate myself so much.

I deny myself the greater things in life that keep me in touch.

With those who surround me and lift me up to feel content.

Meanwhile all I crave is for a cold blade to get bent. ..

into the hearts of those I love.

I’m selfish until I feel selfless enough to give you my pain.

Eyes wander deep as thoughts questions the brain.

I’m not crazy. I’m not reckless. I’m not insane. I just refuse to let society tame the beast that feasts

on the innocents of those deemed lucky.

Wondering why now all of a sudden  the world wants to fuck me. .

then tuck me. .in the bed I made for the enemies of tomorrow.

While yesterday just. .wants to stay in my darkened hollow.

Chest.

 

 

Writers Block

Can’t seem to find the words to describe what it is I lack.

Looking for what motivates to pick up on my slack.

Feeling drained of my artistic adrenaline rush. World’s greatest canvas; but dry remains the brush.

Used to be told to “Hush” these thoughts of suicide that never seem to die. Walking unaffected with baggage that make others want to cry.

I know the truth yet for some reason I can’t stop this lie…I tell myself in the mirror.

“It’s not your fault. You are the monster your peers created.”

If that’s true then why must I stay heavily sedated.

Why not go all out on the world. Why not add to the darkness and turmoil?

Because I created myself.

If I told you I didn’t like being evil don’t believe me. If you see me helping others PLEASE don’t percieve me; to be a good guy or die by my hands.

I got a date with the devil so no, we can not make “plans.” Fuck people who do things like this for their “Fans”. I do this shit cause I hurt inside. I  walked all the way to hell because heaven doesn’t give rides. Can’t seem to rid myself of this foolish pride, but could care less if you chose to confide. .

. .in me…

 

Jessi

These Dreams of you make things appear to be clear.

But when I awake I’m  reminded  why you are no longer here.

To say why has  too long been my greatest fear.

But silence hurts more as months turn to years.

I was Angry at the world but I put it all on your name. Thinking back on it now it really was a shame.

You put up with emotionally heart wrenching pain. You withstood claims of crazy when clearly I’m whose insane.

I’m sorry I’ll never be able repress the urge to unload aggression in a negative way.  I’m sorry “I’m sorry” is the only thing I can bring myself to say.

I Wish I could give you the world I promised to make yours. Wish I had the keys to all of lifes doors.

Love was above all else in dire times. Stood by me when I fell into a life of crime. Stood by me when I owned less than a dime.

Now when I achieve ..it’s hard to believe you are no longer mine.

Hope you catch the biggest fish in the sea. I hope he’s all the good that … you hoped was in me.

I Hope he fights for you like the wars we would wage. I hope ‘ya latest book can do more than turn a page. I hope you attain more than that 600 square foot cage. I hope you shine bright up on life’s big stage.

 

Last but not least I hope ya son’s hearts beats forever. Strong is the only thing to be in his endeavor. Couldn’t find a better way to say the things on my mind. Just hope ya give these words a few moments of ya time.

Late night knock

Hello world..it’s been a while.

Not since we’ve talked; but since I’ve cracked a smile.

Things are smoothing.

I should be happy right?

Can’t find the words or pictures all in spite. .of being an artist who is usually out of sight.

Hopefully you can help me understand feelings that go misunderstood.

Whether you view me as an equal or a youth from the hood.

How do I know when my goals have been accomplished. How can I attain peace in a world that is surely rotten.

Can I. . .knock on your door in the middle of the night. .

Would you open the door and ask “Are you alright?”

And if I said “No. . This world I can no longer fight.”

Or would you. .pull  the trigger so i can see the tunnel’s light.

Tresspassing was the crime. But the real crime is nobody has the time to see past the rhymes. Perception heals.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

No name. 2

In the night I flow deep

Searching for myself through bitter

Sorrow.

Yesterday is a constant reminder

that time is the only thing I can’t

Borrow.

Can’t seem to find the things

that make the day go

bye.

The future seems darker

than the trail of blood

that mark my path.

In The Moment

It gets harder.

Trying to be something I’m not.

Trying to give it all…I got.

It gets deeper.

Searching for the meaning of life.

Fighting through termoil and strife.

Maybe one day .. I’ll understand.

I get stronger.

Lifting myself up when down.

Nobody else can be found.

There’s only so much I’ll withstand.

They get weaker.

Searching for my pain ..it’s sad.

Those selfish eyes can never see what what I’ve had.

To deal with on my own.