Time Goes On

No longer do we say the things we used to say.
You refuse to play the games that we used play.

I used to think that forever really meant forever. .
Tried to believe that soul mates endured all endeavors.

I look at you and feel like all hope a fucking lie.
Who acts like love never happened and then won’t say why?

I refuse to tell you that makes me really want to die.
Seems I’m too strong to admit that sometimes I still cry.

It feels like time went on and left me behind.
Stuck in memories of you where I try to find. .

A better version of myself that which you made.
Buried beneath all the feelings of being betrayed.

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Impatient.

I can not wait to see the day when I no longer have to feel.
Deaths the only thing in this world that I know is truly real.

Impatient thoughts and ‘maybe naughts’ leave little room for doubt.
An empty room fills quickly soon; the sands of time bring drought.

If you were her and he was I; you would hate me all the same.
But if he were they and them were us; I bet you would feel my pain.

I reach out to hands that reach out to me.
They let go as eyes read regret.

Now I’ve fallen for you. .
But you’ve fallen for him . .
He turns to take her hand. .

Now they are gone and I am left..
Impatiently awaiting . . .death.

Hungry

Been on my own all alone; Standing in this crowd. || Speaking strong words with a voice that’s not too loud.||

I got a bottle of depression. . . I’m smoking on regret.|| She whispered in my ear: “. . .Baby I’m so wet. . . ”

Addicted to this feeling of feeling feelings too dark.
The crowd stares at me: I refuse to play the part-

-Of a: “happy-go-lucky” , “friends-all-trust-me”,
“Never-kiss-and-tell”, or a ‘Please-Don’t-Rush-me”

Don’t see the point of trying to maintain an that image.
Calm in nature; But I hate you: We are bound to dive up in it.

She feels the need to bend and plead; I’m all she needs.
Just me myself and dirty deeds that feed:

My hunger.

How I am Feeling

She said she doesn’t trust me. “He only wants to fuck me.”

“He only wants to open up my heart and try to cut me.”

To many say the same. Too many feel the pain.

The fact that this is normal is enough to blow my brain.

Enough to blow my mind. And leave nothing behind.

On the way to the top and there is where I hope to shine-

 

Down upon the blind. My words appear clear.

The deaf look to me and say I’m all that they can hear.

Been feeling kind of low. I guess I’ve been depressed.

Fucking sick of being told  that I should “worry less”.

 

No, You should worry more. You all should be concerned.

Look around stupid bitch! The worlds about to burn.

 

Brain-Storm-2

This frustration; Ventilation through veins which I feel pain.

Her temptation; inhalation of thoughts that seem insane.

Deprivation; These sensations that I cannot ignore.

Been down this road too many times || Still I. .|| Try to explore.

Her mind; So divine. Can I be more than a thought.

Too distraught; I think naught. Steal my love, but don’t get caught.

 

 

Raining down from the heavens; my words. .  they mean to heal.

Does that mean we are all broken?

 

 

Misused

I’ve been misused by hands colder than I . . . The abuse comes and it goes.

They’ve thrown away my hopes and dream and replaced them all of my woes.

Their grip tightens around my neck. . . .eyes burn bright with resolve. .

The reflection in them paints a picture. .the saddest picture of all.

There lies a man who still believes. . .he has a reason to ‘Be’.

Truth be told, he soul was sold. . .searching for love, you see?

All he found, were the hands that bound. . . and now. .

He’ll never be free.

 

 

No Name. 3

I stay high as a kite . . .I like to reach for the stars.

Was told my love wasn’t ‘right’: I said: “add that to my scars.”

I stay suspended in fear; Thoughts of living the reason.

Words can only compare. .to things I’ve truly been feeling.

Can’t seem to do anything. . . .all I do is fail.

Can’t seem make the jump; As I stand upon the rail.

I try to make love, but all I see is hate.

Thought I could make a different, but, I guess that I’m too late.

Shadow

I see her in your shadow. The memory fades into view.

Eyes watch carefully for those delicate flaws to take root.

What it would mean to have old soil produce better gaze.

Could shadow cast be the reminder that the sun has set and time has passed.

Why do I want to reach out and touch the shadow that stretches far and wide.

Farther than my reach and deeper than the feelings one hide.

Forced to forget the slits you thought worthy upon your wrist in my name.

The shadow of a woman whose heart remains ashamed…

To have ever come close…to a light that burned too bright the night. . .

One who now fights the urge to remember that which hurts. .

Because those are the only memories that remain…forever a shadow of what was.

 

 

Running

For too long I’ve been running away from thoughts of being happy.

I wonder when I began to hate myself so much.

I deny myself the greater things in life that keep me in touch.

With those who surround me and lift me up to feel content.

Meanwhile all I crave is for a cold blade to get bent. ..

into the hearts of those I love.

I’m selfish until I feel selfless enough to give you my pain.

Eyes wander deep as thoughts questions the brain.

I’m not crazy. I’m not reckless. I’m not insane. I just refuse to let society tame the beast that feasts

on the innocence of those deemed lucky.

Wondering why now all of a sudden . . .the world wants to fuck me. .

then tuck me. .in the bed I made for the enemies of tomorrow.

While yesterday just. .wants to stay in my darkened hollow.

Chest.

 

 

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